25 August 2006
Icicle.. this is not onli a cut... This feelin is like tearing urself apart inside out like the alien in "AVP" that tore out from the person's tummy.. those feelin.. i realli hate fellin in love.. cuz fear have overcome love.. FEAR! though it is onli two time i have a real set back.. but it is more then enuf, one who is now in a relationship... realli lovin her for 2 almost 3 years.. yet i cant do anything.. the other, the wrong person to fall for.. and now she is goin into a relationship.. i dare not say a thing.. for their happiness is mine.. at least i think so..
Seriously speakin this is hard shattering.. this realli make my mind fight between being single and findin a relationship.. cuz i believe tat relationship for me now is not goin to work.. firstly i do not wan to find a stead den cuz go out work liao or realli if go poly den break up.. this is not love den this is but using her as a yatch to step on.. Therefore i dun think it is gonna work.. Haix.. this feelin is horrible.. Love is suppose to b a very good thing but i dun find it so, I have the wrong feelin everytime for pple tat i find realli sweet. dun worry ying shan, yu shan and most of the rest of my friends dun worry not u all.. haha.. tat doesnt mean u all are not realli sweet, it's juz tat there is a special feelin la.. haha.. oh.. ya feelin that's right.. i kinda think my feelin goes a bit with the looks thus i think i am realli not in the right mind. Games.. this is becomin part of my life once a week.. haha.. computer nevertheless is also my life source for now.. which life is not tat bad.. but i keep on strugglin to find a stead this is becuz i realli cant take the pain anymore..
Some people are selfish aren't we.. we onli wan what's best in their life.. they had never spare a thought how the other one will feel.. ya he may seem happy, this is cuz he wants u to b happy.. he is actualli quietly cryin softly in his heart. Small cuts heal without scar.. Deep cuts leave a scar that one carry for life.. and the one deep cut in my heart is still bleedin... so how can i realli feel whether who i realli fall for...
11:52 AM
20 August 2006
Icicle.. Hmm.. guess u are the onli one i can realli complaint to.. at least i mean i can say wad i wanna say.. hmm... Went to clara blog heard the song.. alot of things flashes through my mind... It is realli bothering.. I dunno how i realli feel; happy? sad, or jealous, my guess is i'm juz simplily confuse to the max.. Love.. What the hell is that man, does lyin to urself that you dun like that person anymore Love? is sacrifice, Love?
Humans... Are too complicated, our mind often have a flow of numerous thought... Every second of a min... Seriously speakin how many understand ur friends.. i'm sure not more den one understand me more.. U can say u are my friend, but wad is a friend, what qualities do u look for in a friend, name one or two friends that you have. This was my oral topic, u all wanna know wad the hell i say, i will tell u a full version that is realli in my heart. I am lookin for something that people now a days are lack of or shall i say practically cant uphold.. trust.. i'm not sayin i can but I mean seriously people can never realli b trusted, you realli dunno when they will lie to u.. you never know when they are goin to backstab u so hard that u feel so hurt psycologically... friends.. this word is a word for laughter, it is a joke, how many of u realli treat each other as a friend, do u realli remember them, i guess not many do tat, when u need them they seem to live in ur life, but once u have a new group of friends u juz dump that person aside, den u will juz seems as if u have never knew that person... true i may not remember all my friends i may not always msg them.. but i swear i make the effort to at least think about them once in a while.. sometime even wonderin wad sms should i sent to the person.. juz because i have no topic and realli have nothin to msg that y i dun.. how many of u came across tat situation.. ask urself.. i'm not tryin to make any enemy i juz wan all of u to think bout all ur friends tat u have negeleted..
Seriously that is onli one of the thing that is bothering me.. the next is tat.. i feel so used.. come on when u bloody hell feel bored i regardless the hours, as long as i'm at home with my phone i will try my best to reply ur msg.. now u are back with him i juz disappear dun i.. Haix.. who cares.. who cares...
There is more, I and struggling.. stuggling to sort my heart out, i feel so confuse.. who do i realli have a interest in heart for.. I realli fear to tell that person i have fallen for her.. cuz our relation now seems to have drift apart.. I realli do not wan to bother her till she realli disapper in my life... I realli cant believe myself.. y did i went into relationship with eunice, i mean if i didnt fall into any relationship i would not understand love and would not desire for tat feelin of being loved by someone. Then i would all the way b single, wont tat b nice.. all alone.. Lonliness is another.. how many really know tat i realli feel lonely... I try my best to make all of u happy, cuz i think some of u accepted me into ur clique though it may not b always at least i feel glad, u know y.. cuz i can never stop feelin lonely, i may not seem as if i am, but to say i can leave my phone there for a whole week and i can assure u tat the amount of msg i will get is almost zero.. if there is it would b from an expected person.. Yet look at all ur phone.. leave it there for a week i think it would b flooded by miss call and msg.. tis is the difference in ur life and mine.. cuz i'm always the forgotten one... haix.. guess i shall stop here.. it is long enuf le.. i doubt anyone would even read it...
9:03 AM
19 August 2006
9:43 PM
14 August 2006
Hmm.. Been so long since i update... Ok la.. at least now got a bit of things to write.. NDP.. hmm.. i was one of the trainer for the school parade lo.. den weeks ago i was trainin them lo.. hmm there was this some wad i guess cute gal in NP tat caught my eyes but nevertheless i was juz seeing haha.. nearly any-o-how fall for pple again.. haha.. mayb cuz of the thing tat made me despo again.. but i shall stay strong.. cuz my fear is stronger den the feelin of love.. Why? Cuz i guess it's hard to find someone you love and that the person feels the same.. Everyone think there are happy when they are together but once they break up it's as if it is the end of the world.. I asked myself y... Is it becuz of love? Hmm.. Partially it's true.. cuz you cherish that person. Despite tat it may as well becuz of ego.. u are not happy that he or she did this to u.. hmm.. is it wise to go pester and go for someone tat doesnt feel the same until they give in to u and stead with u.. that is not love... that is compromising.. Y? Cuz one side may b becuz he or she cant stand up to the psychological effect.. as they get affected by the need to have a stead too.. or it may b becuz he or she juz pity u.. so as they say love can slowly b nurture.. Ya rite.. Nur my head.. Feelings are strange things.. especially love.. it comes as it come.. there is no hiding it.. u may think it is a illusion.. ya most of the time this is true.. but sometime when u hit a target that u feel so rite.. it does not take time for the two to fall in love... eh.. i guess so.. this is my opinion la.. wad u wanna say is all ur prob la.. so dun comment on this haha...
Hmm.. Oh.. ya spec.. wanna see me wear.. i juz got a new spec.. haha.. eh... hmm ya me by the end of the year is goin for a style change.. so watch out...!
11:18 AM